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One of the top reasons why couples divorce in the USA is due to finances.
When should we talk about finances with our significant other? If you’re only in a dating relationship, then this conversation can wait until you become serious and are considering moving in together or marriage. If you are planning your wedding, then RIGHT NOW! If you are already married and have not had this conversation, then RIGHT NOW as well!
It is very important for you to understand what your own values are regarding money, where they came from, and how you would like them to be in the future. Then you must understand what your significant other’s values are, where they came from, and how they would like them to be in the future as well. Your values regarding finances must align with your significant other’s values or else you will be fighting about money for the duration of your relationship.
Do you and your significant other believe in “our” money or “yours and mine” money? Will you and your significant other share any/all bank accounts or keep bank accounts separate?
How will you and your significant other pay bills? Do you or your significant other spend first and pay bills later OR pay bills first and spend later? How will you save money for a rainy day? Will you save money for a rainy day?
Do you and your significant other like to travel? How often would you like to travel? How do/will you travel? Road trips only? Or fly? Sleep in 5 star hotels, motels, Airbnbs, camping, or at friends/relatives’ homes? If you fly, will you rent a car, use public transportation, or rely on family/relatives for transportation? Eat at restaurants, fast food, cook your own food, or rely on friends/relatives to provide food?
What types of clothing, electronics, furniture, etc do you/your significant other like to buy? Brand name such as Nike, Adidas, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, etc or are you content with Target brands? Must you buy from furniture stores such as Slumberland, Ashley Furniture, etc or be content with discount furniture stores? Do you buy used items from garage sales, craigslist, Facebook marketplace, Goodwill, etc or must they be brand new from a department store?
When friends and family ask to borrow money, are you and your significant other willing to lend money to them? If yes, how much money are you and your significant other willing to lend? Is there a limit? Do you two need to consult with each other prior to lending the money? Who is in charge of making sure that family/friends pay back the money?
If we did not live in a world where money was important, finances would not even be a concern. However, our world revolves around money. Without money, we cannot get our basic needs met in order to survive. Thus it is important for us to have ongoing conversations with our significant others about our current finances and our financial goals. These conversations must continue to occur as your financial situation changes. If you and your significant other’s financial values and goals differ, you two must be willing to compromise. Compromise does not mean the one person completely gives in to the other person. It means that both of you agree on what you will be doing with your current finances and future finances.
Lastly, I encourage everyone to speak with a financial advisor to help you meet your financial goals. If you cannot afford a private financial advisor, banks provide free financial advising to all their members.
ARA COUNSELING 