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What is intimacy?
According to Dictionary.com, intimacy is defined as “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.”
I know that for me, whenever I hear the word intimacy, the first thing I think of is sexual intercourse. However, I know and as Dictionary.com defined, it involves so much more than sexual intercourse. It envelops the 5 love languages into it. Intimacy can include but is not limited to cuddling, kissing, holding hands, cooking together, writing little notes for each other, giving each other massages, and sex. It can be any positive and healthy act that makes you feel emotionally closer to your partner.
With that being said, I do want to focus on sexual intercourse in love relationships.
The question that I often get from my pre-marital couples is, how often should they engage in sexual intercourse. My answer is always, I don’t know. Honestly I don’t because I am not a part of their relationship. But I can offer some things that can help you and your partner determine how often you should be having sex.
First, how often do you and your partner WANT to have sex? Let’s say you want to have sex once a week but your partner wants to have sex three times a week, I would recommend coming to a compromise. This means that both of you need to discuss and decide what is a healthy balance for your relationship. A compromise does not mean one of you is giving in to the other. However, I recommend not going more than a month without sexual intercourse unless necessary such as postpartum, medical condition, or physically apart due to work.
Also, is there anything that is preventing you and your partner from having sexual intercourse outside of medical conditions? For example, do your work schedules conflict? Awhile back, my husband and I were working different shifts so we barely saw each other on the weekdays. By the time he got home from work, I was already asleep. When I woke up in the morning, he was still sleeping. So the only time we actually got to spend together was on the weekends if we didn’t have other responsibilities or events going on.
Lastly, please, please, please discuss your sexual desires. You are in a love relationship together, so there is no reason why you have to hide your sexual desires. You and your partner are responsible for making sure that each other’s sexual desires are met. However, if you or your partner’s sexual desires are not positive or healthy then I suggest seeking help from a mental health professional.
I am hoping that these points can help jumpstart some conversations between you and your partner. As you two discuss this topic, I am sure that more things will start to come up for you. If there is any past trauma that is preventing you or your partner from engaging in any form of intimacy, I would recommend seeking help from a mental health professional.
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