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We are social creatures. None of us are created to be alone. Whether we are introverts or extroverts, we crave human connections with others. Through relationships with others, that’s how we learn, heal, grow, and change. On the flip side, it is also how we experience hurt, trauma, loss, etc.
There are many times when clients have brought up the thoughts of cutting off family members. I encourage them to explore why they want to cut off the family member first. Has that family member changed or are they still the same? If they have made positive changes in their life, then what is it that is still holding my client back from building a new and different relationship with that person? If they have not changed at all and continue to have negative behaviors, what are some things that my client can do?
A lot of times when clients want to cut off a family member, it is because that family member continues to have negative behaviors. I always encourage my clients to determine if they’re ready to forgive that family member. Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person, but everything to do with my client. Is my client ready to be unchained from the pain that that family member has caused? Does forgiveness mean that the other person will change? Nope. But it means that the client is ready to let go of the pain, heal, change, and grow to become a healthier person.
Creating healthy boundaries is the next step. If that family member is emotionally abusive, how can you keep a relationship with them but maintain boundaries to keep yourself healthy? It is different with every client. Maybe it is only seeing that family member once a year. Or only having phone conversations with that person. Maybe sending holiday cards once a year is enough.
Lastly, I encourage my clients to practice lots of self-care. It is very emotionally exhausting when clients have been around or talked to family members that have negatively impacted their lives.
At the end, it is ultimately up to my clients whether they want to cut off their family members or not. As a therapist, I want to make sure that I have helped them heal from the trauma that they experienced from that relationship before they make a big decision such as cut off.
However, there are some cases where cut offs are needed because of safety concerns. Those I fully support because my clients’ physical and emotional safety is my top priority.
ARA COUNSELING 