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Recently on Facebook, I was watching reels and came upon a therapist talking about parentified children. It sparked a fire in my thoughts, and I started to dwell on everything I had learned about parentified children in school and through my work.
Parentified Child
A child that was pulled into an adult role and take on adult responsibilities, not by choice.
Whenever we think of a parentified child, we tend to think about a child who had to physically take care of the younger siblings because the parent was not available. However, parentification comes in various forms. Sometimes, it is a child who had to emotionally take care of the parents. Or the child had to do both, physically and emotionally take care of siblings and/or parents in the family.
Example
Parent 1 was always working long shifts, so Parent 1 was usually not home. Parent 2 was home and performed household duties such as making sure the children were fed, wore clean clothes, did their homework, got to/from school safely, etc. However, Parent 2 was emotionally unavailable/unsteady due to unresolved mental health issues and unhealthy boundaries. Parent 2 would often project her mental health issues onto the oldest child and confide in the oldest child about marital issues. In addition, when things arose with the younger siblings, the oldest was expected to steer the younger siblings in the correct direction.
So what happens to these parentified children? They grow up.
They tend to take on multiple responsibilities and become a “caregiver” of sorts. The need to feel in control is often present. Their worth is tied to the things that they can provide and do for others. These individuals can experience a high level of stress and anxiety. Often times they don’t trust others and is self-reliant. They suppress their emotions or put their emotions on the back burner while they help others deal with their emotions.
The symptoms/characteristics of parentified children are not limited to only these symptoms, but I only wanted to list a few for everyone to get an idea.
What can be done?
There is nothing that can be done to “reverse” what happened. Unless we can jump into a time machine, travel back in time, and prevent all those things from happening.
On a serious note, the first step is to have awareness and acceptance that you were indeed a parentified child.
Next, I would suggest learning how to get in touch with your emotions and putting your emotions first. You are not selfish for doing this. If you are not emotionally healthy, you cannot take care of others emotionally.
I highly recommend working with a therapist to achieve these things. Nothing will happen overnight; it is a process that will take some time.
ARA COUNSELING 